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Drowning in love's debris

By: hedgehog on the 19th January 2010 at 2:22am


I'll never learn to be me, first, by myself.  Once you have had a partner, married, had children you never allow yourself the luxury of putting yourself first. 

This could be seen as a plus - limitless selfishness, etc.  However the downside is when those close to you seem to exclude you from their lives.  All cubs have to learn to survive on their own and in doing so reject their parents in one way or another.  However, like Harry Chapin's "Cats in the Cradle" the cycle of availability starts to kick in.  One minute you are calling the tunes the next your children are too busy to see you and invite others rather than you to parties, etc.

That hurts because you love unconditionally and whatever crummy job you have done in bringing them up you still love them, rejoice and take pride in their achievements and rant at the bastards who upset them during the course of their lives.

In the face of the above, the available courses of action are to be stoic and accept whatever morsels are given to you or take a stand and state certain actions have become unacceptable.  Whichever course is taken we find ourselves drowning in love's debris.  Wanting and hoping for more and probably being disappointed along the way.

Unfortunately, our children do not realise what effects their actions have until they too have children and the whole cycle is reenacted.

So what is the answer?  Well, communication is a great bridge - it prevents those awkward moments when you don't know what to say to your own children and provides a link between the past, the present and the future.  Intimacy has to be worked at through exposure and it is difficult if that link is severed.

This is written with love for those close to me and in the hope of regaining closeness with those I love who seem to be far away.  May you find peace and happiness in all you undertake.



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